Some people think I went there others can't believe I have a house there and in New York City no one gets it. Writing for me helps get my feelings and thoughts out however I don't think I will feel better any time soon.
If you haven't figured it out yet, the firing of Joe Paterno as not only a coach but an incredible inspiring person has my stomach in knots. My stomach is in knots for a number of conflicting reasons; for the young victims, the horrible actions that Sandusky performed on young boys and also from reading the speculative press releases, articles, and watching the board of trustees tell me that they phoned Joe to fire him. They couldn’t even pay him a respectful visit? There are theories out there and people feel differently about the current situation however so much is being done because of who Joe Paterno has become, an icon. Sandusky whose name is challenging to type (and will be referred to as S) has barely been ridiculed during all this. Facebook, Twitter, ESPN and all news outlets are focusing on Joe who when he heard of the incident told his boss. He followed procedure. I will leave the "moral" right discussion up to you all. If everyone had a moral right to tell their administrators, police, managers, etc we would live in a more honest world and even though that would be nice it isn't possible – let’s be honest.
What “S” did to young men is disgusting and I have been thinking of those victims and how their lives will never be the same after what he did to them. They won't be able to get that time back and the events will never be removed from their minds and souls but at least they now know a criminal will be convicted and charged. Did the victims want Joe to be fired or the criminal charged? Joe will be behind his own bars at his house fending off media and figuring out his life not as a coach for the Penn State Nittany Lions and no longer recognized as an incredible influence to so many of the Penn State community which includes me.
I didn't go to Penn State but both my parents did and would have loved for me to spend 4 years in Happy Valley. I knew that 40,000 people were too many for me to manage but 110,000 in Beaver Stadium was never enough to hang out with on Saturday when Joe and his Lions took the field. My parents have had tickets for over 30 years in the same location, section WBU row 54 seats 2, 4, 6, and 8. I always sit in seat 4 next to my Dad who has taught me all there is to know about PSU, the alumni, Joe, all their wonderful schools, athletics and just how passionate someone can be for their Alma matter. I sing along with my parents at each event since I know the words (unlike my very own college’s Alma matter).
My Mom likes to tell the story of how she and my Dad would bring me to games in my baby carrier and put me at their feet while they watched the game and I listened to the Lion roar and cheers from the crowd before falling asleep. There has only been one year in my 30 year life that I haven’t gone to a game and I was so upset. I lived in Ireland in 2002 (the only year I didn’t’ attend a game) the year my parents bought their second home up there so that in the coming years we would have a comfortable place to stay and no longer have to stay on pull out couches with friends or in RVs.
Making trips to Happy Valley is typical with my family, I love the atmosphere, the students, the shopping, the Creamery and ability to walk around the whole campus with so many things to look at and learn about along the paths. Heck I even went to lacrosse and field hockey camp up there. It acted as a second home for me where my parents had a strong connection.
When the first report about this scandal showed up on ESPN last weekend I couldn’t make sense of it since the facts didn’t seem accurate. More and more information cluttered the news wires and websites but I waited until I heard a true story from a trust worthy source (which I am still waiting to hear). Monday came and I headed to work but kept thinking about how Joe must be feeling all the pressure from the media who didn’t have their stories straight. The PSU community didn’t know how to act, what to feel, but just try and get on their work day and hope to hear brighter news at day’s end.
Unfortunately the brighter news didn’t come but only more speculations and stress from the media and less reports on S and more about Joe. I feared calling my Dad and talking about the situation so I avoided it but shared my thoughts with my husband. Tuesday we heard that Joe would speak at a press conference which was then cancelled. So many of us wanted to hear Joe’s voice to calm the storm and also rally the troops for Saturday’s game. Instead, on Wednesday, Joe announced his retirement after completing the 2011 season so that the Board of Trustees could focus on the crime at hand. My heart sank, I gulped, sent the article that revealed the breaking news to my husband and jumped on stubhub to try and purchase tickets to Saturday’s game – Joe’s last game in Beaver Stadium. The ticket prices were high so I called 1-800-NITTANYNittany Lion Club Members (I am a member since my Dad’s tickets have been put in my name) considered part of the “public” so I redialed the number and left a voicemail. Sure enough I received a call back and was able to purchase two tickets for Saturday’s game. I called my husband and notified him that I was going to the game and if he wanted to come too I had a ticket for him. He answered “Let’s go!” The knot in my stomach started to unfold a bit knowing that I would be able to see Joe’s last game at Beaver Stadium. I worked late and arrived home with another upset stomach. Could it be this PSU mess that has made me sick?
I had some soup and sat on the couch wrapped up in a blanket watching the CMAs. Up until this point I constantly trolled the web for articles losing focus at work and not managing my time well. When I had the remote in my hand I maintained control and didn’t turn on the news or ESPN but I was using my phone for updates on facebook about Joe. And sure enough around 10:30pm or so I saw a posting from Penn State about the Board of Trustee’s decision, clicked on the link, read it and changed the channel from the CMAs to ESPN. I watched John Surma report on the “unanimous” decision to fire Coach Paterno – I smacked my forehead with both hands and the knots in my stomach multiplied. I listened to Surma answer questions (poorly) and felt my eyes grown by the second. I swallowed hard and cried. Tears coming down my face and I couldn’t stop. I had to talk to the one person who taught me so much about the passion for an institution and the influence that one very hard worker, Joe Paterno, had over so many lives, and that person is my Dad. It was late but I called anyway. He answered and sounded like his jolly self and I just said “They fired Joe.” He replied, shocked, “That is just wrong.” He yelled to my Mom the newest update and I heard her gasp in the background. I told him to turn on ESPN and he did. He wanted me to calm down and not be so upset. I told him I would talk to him more about it this weekend when I see them in State College. We hung up and I changed the channel to anything but ESPN.
I couldn’t sleep at all and I am still shocked by all the actions that have taken place from start to finish and hope that one day Joe will be recognized for all the good he has contributed to Penn State University and that S is charged and put behind bars. I don’t really know they right way to feel at this point.
To Joe – You don’t know me but I know you and I know the impact you have had on so many lives, including mine. I have wonderful memories of sitting in your stadium watching you pace back and forth on the sideline and smiling at your players wearing your trusty khaki pants and white shirt uniform with an occasional jacket. I will remember your voice and your well mannered ways and can only hope that I will share the experiences that you have given me with my own children and tell them the great stories and accomplishments you have achieved. I will remember that your ultimate goal was to improve the lives of each person you worked with on and off the field. You and your family are in my thoughts and I hope that one day you will receive an appropriate farewell.
To Penn State – Sure this is a sad sad day for everyone a part of the community but stay strong for the university is still an incredible educational institution and there is so much at its heart beyond football.
Will I ever forget this moment in time? No. Will I ever forget the incredible things Joe did for the University? No, I will remember those for a long while.
Fight on State.
No comments:
Post a Comment